It's not my time...

My heart goes out to Chea because her friend was killed in a car accident a couple days ago.  It seems that he was very important to her.  The thing is that I made it worse like a jackass.  Instead of consuling her, I made her feel like shit.  I really need to work on this relationship thing.  All I can say is that relationships are rough.

Remember in June when I said about the credit cards my dad put in my name??  Well to put it short and sweet, I was able to get rid of all the credit cards on my name.  I was persistent and I scared the hell out of those companies.  I wasn't going to let them get the best of me.  One thing off my chest!!  Yes...

I'm going to let Chea know the truth.  I like her, yes I do.  But, I don't like her as a girlfriend, because I can't see us actually going out.  I have too much to worry about right now and I can't worry about a relationship.  I have papers galore, many exams and quizzes to worry about.  Besides, I can't take the ups and downs anymore.  She gave me a comment last night which got me thinking.  All I can say is that she told me that she has re-considered.  Letting me believe that she never liked me.  I might be reading into this, but I have to tell her.  My future's more important than having to worry about a girl who I really don't have any feelings for. 

Unfortunately it took me twenty years to realize that it's great being yourself.  Up until 3 months ago, I was trying to be something that i'm not.  I tried fitting in with the "cool" crowd.  But i've come to realization that it's not worth it.  I tried drinking...to tell you the truth I don't like it.  I'd rather be sober than out of my mind.  I mean I drink once in awhile.  Maybe a few beers here and there, but that's it.  I don't smoke because it's disgusting.  I don't party because I don't want to be in a situation where I can get myself in trouble.  Chea and I are practicing abstinence for now because we don't want the chances of conceiving a child.  I'm a junior in college, yeah I can't believe it myself...which means I have three more semesters until I graduate with a bachelor's degree.  Then after that, I plan on expanding on education to earn a Masters in psychology.  Too many people think they don't have any potential in this world.  It's ashame because we can all be successful if we put ours heads to it.  Up until two years ago, I would always brag about how much better I am than my friends.  That's frigging bullshit because all my friends are in college too.  I needed to grow up.  Thankfully i've grown up and i'm beginning to let things go.  I no longer am going to sweat the small stuff because life throws us many curveballs.  We have to be ready for them so that we can defeat our problems.  If anyone gets affended by this, too bad.  It's the way I think anymore. 

Last night was a night where I felt my heart pounding out of my chest.  An illusionist known as Criss Angel performed a stunt which appeared to have taken his life.  He was handcuffed to the steering wheel of a car, given thirteen seconds to escape before the car goes over the edge and explodes.  Criss made the live audience and people at home believe that he was still in the car.  How he did it, I don't know.  After the stunt, we see emergency crews trying to get to the burning vehicle.  I really thought Criss was dead.  Even though I may sound obsessed, you can call me a fan.  I'm a true fan of the guy because he blows my mind each and everytime.  To those out there who speculate that he's not what he is, think again.  He's the best.